normalcy is coursing through my veins
Thursday, May 31, 2001
So unable to pay attention to anything for more than a few minutes...I'm sick and exhausted and still have to pack, but I'm taking tomorrow off, so I have dragged myself to the office today.

Last night was Stewy's going-away party. All of us pleaded with her one last time to change her mind, but to no avail. She is Chicago-bound...

The party was fun though. Tapas and sangria at Xunta, yummy pastries from Veniero's, then drinks (ginger ale for me, I'm sick, remember?) at 2A...Susie-q came and had a great time talking to Stewy's high school friends. I spent most of the evening being entertained by Elusive Boy and Mr. Frank, who were both quite drunk. There was 80s music. The bartender was surly. I stayed later than I should have, persuaded not to leave by Elusive Boy's impersonations and the promise of free ginger ale.

It's nice, I've been hanging out with this group of friends a lot recently and have gotten to know them quite well. Many of them expressed last night that they wanted to make sure we still hung out after Stewy moved away, which made me happy. I slept well.

Now there is work to be done and therapy to be cancelled (no time tonight, sigh).

Wednesday, May 30, 2001
So I broke down and hired movers, that doesn't make me a horrible person...does it?

I'm drinking this weird stuff called Emer'gen-C (why do companies do weird things to the spelling of their products?) because my throat hurts. I can't tell if I am sick or if my throat is just irritated from Fairweather's cats and then the piles of dust set adrift by my pulling out all the clothes I own but haven't worn in the past year...but I thought I would drink this just in case. Stewy gave it to me; she swears by tastes like melted-down vitamins mixed with cranberry juice. Mmmmm...

I am so excited. I am going to a schmoozy party next week to celebrate the one-year anniversary of the Nerve print magazine. Rufus Wainwright is going to be there!!!! Sour is gonna be my +1. We're going to get all dolled up in sparkly eyeshadow and vinyl go-go boots...or something along those lines. Yay!!!! (*spins around in office chair until dizzy*)

Tuesday, May 29, 2001
There is this woman in permissions who always asks me to do annoying tasks for her. She signs her messages "Thanks a million!!" or "Thanks a whole bunch!!!"

Mathematical concept for the day: Likelihood of response to message is inversely proportionate to number of exclamation points following cheesy salutation.

Is it wrong that my mouse is lingering over the delete option?

I love love love the new Weezer album! It makes me smile.

Tee hee. I just got the strangest phone call. I answered in my typical professional work manner, and the man on the other end said "I'm upset!" I resisted the temptation to say "I am too!" in an equally gruff voice and hang up. Instead, I (silly me) asked him what was wrong, and he went on to rant about some printing error in one of our books. He quoted the lines to me and I wasn't quite sure what he was talking about but he insisted that the sentence did not flow from one page to the next. Fearing I would tell him to just take the book back to the store like any sane person would do, I took his name and number and then went to hunt down the book in question. Looking it over, I see that the text for the pages he named makes perfect now I have to call him back and tell him that, actually, HE is the problem, not the book. Okay, so maybe I won't phrase it quite like that...

Why am I so antsy and not wanting to be at work right now? I like my job, so that can't be it....

I think mostly it's that I am realizing exactly how much packing I have to do before the end of the week. I hate packing more than just about anything. And I have been unable to discipline myself to just stay home and do it thus far. I can't remember the last time I came home after work and did nothing. There has just been so much going on--readings and music and plays and movies and just hanging out and spending time with Stewy before she moves back to Chicago...and then, of course, I decided to fly to Boston and visit Fairweather. I have just been really happy to be seeing everyone lately and to have a ton of stuff going on, and it has been hard for me to be like "No, I have to go home tonight and stuff things into cardboard boxes." Nothing wrong with that, right?

Back from Boston for the weekend, trying to work out the logistics of moving, mostly just posting because I have to re-publish in order to make my blog come back from the void....

Thursday, May 24, 2001
Rufus was amazing, by the way. The best show I have seen in quite a while. I didn't even mind the fact that I knew I was missing Bjork sing in a church at that very moment. And everyone seemed to have a good time and get always makes me just a little nervous to mix friend groups, but usually it turns out just fine. It's getting to be good concert season again. I have tix to Cat Power, Magnetic Fields, and soon (hopefully) Shannon Wright. M and I are concert addicts. We keep each other posted and buy each other tickets, thereby avoiding the laziness that results in missed shows. Of course, neither one of us has been able to get Madonna tix yet, sigh....

It's hard to motivate to write here when I can't read over the results immediately afterward. I'm a perfectionist that way, need to see the final product and correct any mistakes immediately.

Tuesday, May 22, 2001
I bought the new Go-Go's album yesterday, tee hee. When I was a tyke, I took dance classes, and the first dance I ever performed was to 'Our Lips are Sealed.' I'm sure there are photographs somewhere...Along with the ones of me all dolled up in black leather with studded wristbands for a dance to Pat Benatar's 'Hit Me With Your Best Shot.' I find it strange what parents will let their children wear in public when they are too young to understand the connotations. Somehow it's okay for a seven-year-old girl to don sequinned hot pants (or the aforementioned pseudo-s&m gear I was allowed to wear) and parade around the stage, while just a few short years later there are bound to be arguments over whether a skirt is too short to be worn to school. I am perplexed by society's logic sometimes....

At least the rain is perfect for the detective novel I am reading right now--contributes to the noir feeling and all...I've been reading mystery/crime stuff and sci-fi these days, figuring I needed a change of pace from my usual pomo contemporary fiction. I need new inspirations and I'm not so familiar with either of these two genres, so it's good.

I saw Michael Cunningham read last weekend (couldn't get tix to Lorrie Moore--pout, pout). He was lovely, but read something I was already quite familiar with and so I didn't pay as much attention as I would have had he read something new. I've realized this about readings. I prefer to hear something I haven't already read, unless the author is really funny/entertaining, then it doesn't matter. G and I had a long conversation about the writing process afterward. I really need to get it together to start some sort of writing group. I have all these smart. talented writer friends and we all talk about how we need something like that, so now one of us just needs to be the organizer...and I'm too impatient to wait for someone else, so I guess it will have to be me :)

Tonight is Rufus!!!! My friends and I are going to see Rufus Wainwright at the Bowery Ballroom. I am so excited. It is keeping me in a good mood despite the relentless rain and the consequent train delays. That man has the voice of an angel. Can you see me grinning in anticipation?? :)

Monday, May 21, 2001
Lately there has been no time for writing here, largely because I have yet to buy the laptop I have been eyeing for some weeks now. Work has been keeping me busy in the best way possible. I have been reading so much amazing stuff recently. And meeting lots of amazing people.

I am newly obsessed with Jonathan Lethem. I just finished Girl in Landscape this past weekend. And Motherless Brooklyn started the obsession. Eventually, I will probably meet him, and I fear the babbling that will come from my mouth if and when that does occur.

I am also moving, which I am both ultra-excited about and also dreading. Excited because I am moving to Park Slope, a neighborhood I like, and where a lot of my friends here live. Dreading because it means having to cram my life into boxes and lug it down and up three flights of stairs for the third time in a year.

I'll go from living with two guys to living with three guys. My mom laughed when I told her that. I seem to live better with guys than with women, oddly enough. I will miss the view of the Williamsburg Bridge from my window and the afternoon sunlight that fills my current apartment, but I will glady leave behind the rickety stairs and the temperamental plumbing...and the cigarette smoke.

It's funny, I always end up changing everything at once. New job, new apartment, spending time with different people. I am feeling strangely elated about all this change, which is a refreshing change from my usual reaction to such things...

Tuesday, May 15, 2001
You know, I know I am sometimes flaky about things, I'll admit that. I try not to be, but sometimes it just happens and I flake least in my personal life. But at work, I am super-organized. It amazes me the number of people in positions of authority who seemingly have no means to keep themselves at all organized, let alone learn to do simple things like operate the fax machines or printers. I have made a promise to myself that, should I one day be in some sort of managerial-type position or have an assistant or the like, I will not ask them to do ridiculous things like print out my email or write a personal note that I then have them revise three times because it was not what I would have written myself (as it surely would have been, had I done it myself in the first place). I wish I could bottle the amount of unnecessarily wasted time in my office alone...then maybe we could all take an extra week's vacation...sounds nice, doesn't it?

Monday, May 14, 2001
Last November, I went to see Badly Drawn Boy play at the Knitting Factory. Janeane Garofalo did stand-up as an opener. It was sort of an odd opening to the show, but I like her, and she was funny. One of her big complaints was about advertising campaigns that get approved. She made specific reference to a Kentucky Fried Chicken advertising campaign whose oh-so-clever slogan was 'How good is it?' Her question was: Who signed off on that? What room full of people sat down and decided that 'How good is it?' was the best possible ad slogan they could come up with?

So lately I have been thinking about Janeane's schtick, because I have been noticing some pretty stupid ads in the subway stations/cars. Today there was one that said 'Angels don't need health insurance, children do." It had a bunch of toddlers all dolled up in angel wings. Huh? Another recent favorite is a deodorant ad that encourages readers to 'take the underarm express.' And where, pray tell, would the underarm express go?

There must be more, I am sure, but it is late and I need to leave work now. I'll keep posting them as I remember...

Lesson learned this weekend: Maybe it's not the best idea to eat seafood at an unfamiliar Thai restaurant. I have never been so sick in my entire life. Blech. But now, after 2 days of nothing but ginger ale and crackers, I seem to be doing okay. So that's good, right?

Friday, May 11, 2001
Stewy told me last night that her boyfriend went to see Bridget Jones' Diary and said that Renee Zellweger's character reminded him of me. Not quite sure how to take that one. Mostly puzzled, slightly amused, wondering just a little if I should maybe be offended....

Tuesday, May 08, 2001
I just finished eating lunch, which was purchased from my building's cafeteria (sure sign that I am working for the proverbial man, the fact that my building has a cafeteria that can only be accessed by electronic employee key tags). I ate fruit salad, which contained too many pieces of canteloupe. For some reason, canteloupe makes me cringe. I think it might be because my grandmother eats it with salt and pepper, and, on numerous occasions throughout my childhood, tried to force me to take bites of this dish. The salt/pepper/canteloupe flavor combination is not a tasty one, and I think that I now associate its unpleasantness with just the fruit itself. Poor canteloupe, I have forsaken you...

Hours of Sleep Last Night=4 and 1/2

I am going to have to find a new apartment for July, thanks to the girl downstairs royally fucking me over. I am not a happy girl. New York housing blows.

Monday, May 07, 2001
It was chillier last night. It would have been perfect weather for sleeping had the heat not turned on somewhere around 4 a.m. I was up at five and reading this amazing manuscript. I had given up on sleep and decided I should at least be productive. Except now I am tired and occasionally my eyes get all blurry when I am trying to type. Not good, considering that all of my work today involves typing. I am writing book flap copy. There is a funny (and sadly, true) article about such copy on Salon. I like Salon.

Friday, May 04, 2001
Buffy catch-up at Sour's last night was fun. It was sad when Glory sucked Tara's brain out though. Willow was so sad :(

Lately I have been wishing I had a television again, but mostly I am happy without one.

Thursday, May 03, 2001
It’s been hot here and I have started wearing the chunky black sandals that are a requisite part of my summer attire. I’ve had them for almost two years now. They’re at that totally worn-in and comfortable stage, and I love them. The problem is that they make that click-clicking noise that sandals often do. I am new here in this office and already feel a little conspicuous. The echoing of my noisy shoes as I trek back and forth between my desk and the copier or the mail drop only makes me feel even more obvious. I have made a game of trying to walk on tiptoe, so that the backs of the shoes float just below my heels, not quite making contact, and thus avoiding that smacking sound. I do this, make up small challenges. They never last long, but they entertain me for a while, keep my mind occupied with tiny things so as not to consider the list of bigger issues to be worried about.

Why won't IM work from here?! Grrr....

This morning on the train there was a man next to me listening to relaxation tapes on his headphones. He was listening to them so loud that I could hear every word quite clearly (almost as if I were listening to the tape myself), even though I was standing at least three feet away. This seemed a little strange to me, to be listening to something that is supposed to be relaxing at a volume loud enough to shatter one's eardrums. In addition, the man's voice on the relaxation tape was quite annoying. He seemed mostly to be counting, encouraging deep breaths, but I found his voice so grating that I (who never asked to be hearing this in the first place) found myself puposefully disobeying his commands. My disobedience led to me take shallower breaths and to put a good deal of effort into blocking out his nasal intonation. All of which was not relaxing at all, and put me in quite a tense mood as I waded through the crowds exiting the 51st street station, trying to maneuver my way to work.

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